


Leo

by AngelTennant



Series: No harm [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Castration, Gun Violence, Haircuts, Non-Consensual Haircuts, Other, Rape, Trans Catra (She-Ra), Trans Male Character, Transitioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22693351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelTennant/pseuds/AngelTennant
Summary: After winning against Horde Prime, Catra needs to rebuilt a relationship with other people, when identity is itself shattering.Catra First-person POV.(Sequel to No Harm.)
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: No harm [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632370
Comments: 11
Kudos: 60





	1. The Not-coming-out

> _Dear Adora,_
> 
> _I started to think about this a long time ago but for the last few months it has really stuck on my mind, so I am writing this letter to tell you. I hope you will not be mad at me._
> 
> _The truth is, I am…_

I lift my pencil and scratch my head. It is really hard to come out with the right words. I had plenty of time to turn the issue around my head when I was healing but still, I pushed it away for such a while… I could not hold my secret back any longer anyway, and I might as well spill the beans now, before Adora and I… before we become something.

> _The truth is, I am a guy._

It sounds ridiculous now that it is written black over white. She will choke with laughter when she will read that. Things are much more complicated than that.

> _The truth is, I am a guy in a girl’s body._

All right, now, gross. The last thing I want to write about here are my genitalia.

> _The truth is, ~~I am a guy in a girl’s body~~ I am not a girl_

I used to be a girl, or I guess I was somehow… but I do not want to be a woman.

> _The truth is, ~~I am a guy in a girl’s body~~ I am not a girl. I would understand if you do not want me, because you like girls, and you have already forgiven me so many things. But I love you and_

I feel like the dumbest jock. Why are words this hard when you need them most? I fold my paper into a ball and throw it away.

> _Dear Adora,_
> 
> _I_

“Hey, Catra, what’s up?”

I jump from my seat and growls of fear, only to see Scorpia’s face blinking two surprised eyes at me.

“Oops, sorry wildcat, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Would you mind knocking at the bloody door for once?!” I groan angrily.

“Is this… is this a bad time?” she asks with a worried tone. “I am so sorry! I can come back later you know.”

“No, it’s fiiiiine” I sigh, “Now that you are here, say what you have to say anyway”.

She seats on an armchair that just happends to be in my room. I call it mine because Adora is almost always away playing captain She-Ra in every place while I miserably stay back. I was tempted to join her in clandestinity once or twice but it seemed she could feel it, because she called me and gave me something to do for her that I could not refuse, because it was… well, for her.

“I was wondering if you had the ground maps of the South-East region of the Fright Zone. Entrapta said the digital version is corrupted or something… I know you threw away a lot of your former second-in-command stuff when we raided the Fright Zone but…”

“Of course I kept them” I reply dryly. “I’m not an idiot.”

“No, of course no” she answers with an uneasy smile. “But you know, in the thrill of the moment… hehe.” She does not finish her sentence when she sees my angry face. “Anyway, I will not bother you longer.”

She takes the maps and rolls them the best she can given her clumsy excuse for hands. She prepares to leave when I reluctantly hear myself say:

“… Can I talk to you for a minute, please?”

Her expression brightens. “Of course!” And she jumps back into the armchair while I seat myself on my bed. The small awkward silence that follows leads me to think I made a poor decision.

“So, wildcat, what’s on your mind?”

“Hey, it’s hard to know how to begin, okay?”

“Wow, calm down, I’m just here to help!”

“… sorry…”

I sigh. I was hoping she of all people would understand, since she was no traditional… princess; yet the fact we were, let’s say closer than most made it actually harder. I take a good breath.

“I’m just afraid Adora doesn’t love me as much as she says she does.”

“What?!” Scorpia gasps. “Who are you kidding? Your love was so strong it _literally_ pulled her out of a space vortex!”

Interesting interpretation of what happened up there, I must say. I should have a word with Entrapta at some point, I am positive she will enjoy a theoretical development on this matter.

“Even if you were right, it’s still _my_ love that pulled her out of the portal. It does not mean anything about _her_ love. She keeps going away from me ever since I landed in the Whispering Woods with a Horde Prime security ship; it got even worse and since I rescued her, I have almost not seen her. It feels like she is avoiding me.”

“Well, I dunno what to say” she answers with an alarmed tone, “I have always seen you two like the two twigs on a branch.”

Two twigs. On a branch. Now she sounds like one of the hippies of the Bath Bomb and Sparkles Gang.

I can understand Adora. I have a lot on my plate, and between forgiveness and love there is a huge step. And I am about to ask for more than she already gave, an attitude that reminds me way too much of the pest I am pulling all my efforts on not being.

“It’s just…” bloody hell, it is harder than I thought it is to be a weak sentimental twig. “It’s just that I am scared she saved me for the sake of old times but realised how much of a failure I am compared to her, and that the almighty war goddess she is deserves bett…”

Before I finish my sentence, something crimson and hard slaps me so hard on the face I am actually expelled from the bed on which I lied down. I recover my spirits and half-stand to a very red, very angry and almost crying Scorpia.

“You are NOT a failure! I don’t want to hear you say that! Sure, you did a lot of things wrong, but you’ve changed so much since you arrived in the Rebellion, and you fought so hard to overcome all your issues. I don’t know why Adora isn’t there as much as you wish but she deserves every bit of you there is.”

She catches a loud breath and hands me a helping claw for me to get back on my feet.

“Wow” is the only thing I manage to get out of my mouth while I vigorously massage my cheek.

“Sorry I punched you. Do you need ice? I’m sorry…”

“Oh, stop being so you!”

She beams and I imitate her with a sad smile. I am not sure I can believe her yet.

I have changed, it is true. I was so tired of being angry all the time to everybody.When I was at my worst, hurt and abandoned by all the people I cared about, my anger was all I had left and it was not pretty. It dragged me out of the abyss and made me fight but it never filled the void that was inside me. Quite the contrary, now that I think of it: every time I was full of ire and hatred, the hole in my chest just felt more piercing and deep and empty.

Now it just feels empty.


	2. Whatever

When Scorpia gets out, I feel the urge to hit something. What was all this pain for, if I cannot be happy now? Adora is pulling herself away from me, I cannot bond with the others because of all the wrongs I did that will never be repaired and forgiven however hard I try to mend things. I can see when I try to help how they look at me. For what it was worth, I could have reverted back to being the villain of the story, but even this sounds just pointless and silly. I just float around here, locked between positions, some trash from the weeping past in a brave new future.

I could join Shadow Weaver and grow plants in a backyard. The thought of it makes me laugh bitterly. A ball of nerves like me in a garden, watching flowers grow in peace. How stupid.

I go to the bathroom to drink some water. I see myself in the mirror and hate it. I stopped displaying my feminine assets in the desperate hope of assert myself; they got too disgusting to me. But it is still too much, all this roundness, all these hips. The unique boob probing next to my flat metal chest on the left is the worst, like a blob of breastfeed, a shapeless protuberance of sexy. I wish I could cut it.

All my life I trained to be a war machine, strong and athletic regardless of being a girl. At puberty, I hissed at boys when they catcalled me, and I will not tell about what happened to Derry the pig-nosed cadet from another team who tried to touch my meat, but I got trouble for it. My body felt like if I wore it like an armour and made the best of it, it would stop making me sick; but I want to destroy it, to be reborn completely as someone new and free from all this guilt.

* * *

“ _And please, next time I see you, do everyone a favour and comb the mop on your head so it does not go on your eyes, otherwise I’ll cut it.” says her syrup voice behind me as I walk out of Shadow Weaver’s office covered in bruises._

_I am a child, I am crying and Adora comes to me immediately._

“ _Hey, are you all right?”_

_I nod between sobs and bury my head against her chest. I do not remember why I was being punished. Adora pets me slowly on the head while she leads me to our room while whispering nice things to me._

_The morning after, when I wake up, I take a minute in the bathroom to look at me. For as long as I remember, my hair had been like this: not curly or smooth, but all thick and spiky. I grab a comb in an older child’s case and try to flatten it with water, but every time I try a new spot the previous one just sprouts back in. I try a ribbon and hardly manage to put all my hair in it. It is pulled back very tight to allow the small hairs around the face to be tied with the others, but so it pulls on my head skin so much it hurts a little, and I feel ridiculous and ugly. Just as I am leaving, the ribbon snaps and all my hair simultaneously gets back in position. I begin to cry, when Adora gets out of the shower._

“ _Hey Catra what’s wrong?”_

_I explain what Shadow Weaver said. She scratches her head for a minute, turning around me to observe carefully, and then hand me… a bunch of ribbons._

“ _You do not need to make one plait” she says with her winner beam I loved so much. “And soon, your hair will be long enough to stop being in your face anyway!”_

_She joins the help to the word and together we have the biggest fun putting my hair in multiple plaits. I look like a hedgehog at the end of the game, and laugh so hard at my look it draws Shadow Weaver out of her nest._

“ _Why do I hear laughter around here? What mischief are you planning?”_

_We immediately shut up and stand straight, our eyes lowered towards the floor, waiting to be scolded at for having fun._

“ _Cadet Catra, what is this stupid look?” she says, bending at me and pulling on my plaits suspiciously._

“ _It… it’s… you said…” I stutter, too scared to form a sentence._

“ _It’s me” firmly says Adora. “It was my idea. I am responsible.”_

_Shadow Weaver glares at her for a few seconds in silent, apparently hesitating. Then, she simply dropped:_

“ _Stupid girls. Never mind, I do not want to hear about it ever again.”_

_She leaves and we sigh from relief._

“ _I was so scared she was going to hit you” I whisper while we tiptoe to the first class of training and get in late as discreet as possible._

“ _I will never let her cut your hair” answers Adora. “It is too pretty.”_

_I never heard from it again from Shadow Weaver since this incident. She found other reasons to punish me though._

* * *

What I am about to do feels such a betrayal in the light of this peculiar childhood memory; she was always so protective.

But I need it. To get rid of at least something, some past, some girlishness, some guilt. I hope she will understand.

Shadow Weaver cannot butcher my hair if I have already done it.

I pull my fingers through my mane as if I am seeing it for the first time. It is even more messy than it used to be: locks of every length since some were severed to heal my head wounds after my accident.

Snip, snip.

The brown lock remains lifeless and dull in my hand. A few hairs fall on the floor. It feels strange in my stomach, but also liberating. It hurts but in a good way. I keep cutting, starting with the longer locks, the ones left untouched since I walked in Hordak’s office. Soon nothing remains under my shoulder, and then under my chin; but it’s not enough. Still too long, still so girly. Tears stream down my face and blur my reflection to the point I can see nothing but a round light brown spot with some dark halo slowly reducing, until two black triangles sprout from it, and I keep cutting, the two grey locks behind my ears, the back of my head, the top of my lion mane, until it’s almost gone, until it becomes so short I get almost ugly, until I disappear.

“I hate you” I tell the horrible goblin that gazes at me in the bathroom mirror. “You deserve this. DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU DESERVE THIS!”

I throw the scissors at it and scream, for its unpaired eyes never to see, but it is just a reflection that shatters in a broken glass noise. Some pieces fall down, and as I grab one, it cuts through my valid hand’s skin and I shriek as I see my blue eye get covered with blood before I realise it is not real.

Suddenly, I hear footsteps and curl up in a bowl. I so do not want anyone to see me like this… I will run away, I think, so they do not see, but I hear a boy voice yell in the corridor.

“Hey! What’s this mess? Is something wrong?”

Before I manage to close the bathroom door, Bow pushes it against the wall with a loud noise and points his bow and arrow at my face. After a second of surprise, he puts it down.

“Oh, sorry Catra” he says with an unusual soldier voice. “I thought I heard something and I came to see.”

What the hell was he doing around here? I thought he was with Glimmer and the Bright Moon army, on their own mission securing the borders of the kingdom. Scorpia was supposed to join them soon, and from there, head on the east to meet Adora in her own lands.

He takes a look around and finally notices the mess I made around me.

“What happened around here?” he exclaims. He stares at me, the floor, the broken glass everywhere, and connects the dots after what sounds like an eternity. “Oh. I see. Oh…”

He looks at me with the pitiful eyes they all sport around me and this one, I swear, is truly the winner of the championship of butterflies and marshmallows. My, how much I hate it.

“Don’t bother helping me” I croak. “I’ll clean up.”

“Nonononono” he replies, and he grabs me by the arm and get me out of the bathroom. “Don’t risk cutting yourself.”

“I already have” I say, showing my hand as proof. He looks at it quickly.

“Then don’t add more” he replies with an authoritative voice.

“Why do you care? We’re not even friends!” I say as I try to push him away and get back inside.

“Because you need it, you stupid!”

“HEY!”

I slap him on the face. No one tells me I’m stupid. He pushes me away and steps back as I hiss at him, my organic and metal claws all out.

“Wow, I’m sorry I said this.” he finally says, a little calmed down. “But it’s true. You do need help! Listen to me!”

I do not know what to reply to this. I am torn between the will to send him mind his own business and drop the bomb to him because I have reached this level of “ _whatever”_.

After all, what is the worse that can happen with the Heart twink?

“What makes me think you can help me?” I coarsely answer.

“I’m good at haircuts” he replies with a blink. “And you look like you need it.”

* * *

Sometimes I wonder what happens in my brain when it comes to decision-making. How the hell did I end up in a chair with Glimmer’s sweet-heart playing salon and hairdresser on my head?

Oh, he took his time for sure. After bandaging my hand, he filled a bucket with warm water and managed to convince me to put my head in it, because whatever. Then, he combed for what seemed like forever the poor leftovers of my mane. It was quite relaxing but a little boring. I still ignore if I can trust him.

“So what do you want me to do?” he finally asks.

I do not know, to be fair. A big part of me still wants to go back to this bathroom and use the broken pieces of the mirror to cut my veins open and yet I am here with a dude I barely know, letting his hands touching _me_ and discussing _haircuts_. And I am about to let him do _whatever_ , because I have no idea of what to ask from him.

“I wonder how you manage to be so chill around all these… princesses.”

He raises an eyebrow. “I don’t understand what you mean. I love the princesses!”

“Ugh, whatever. I’m going to be mean anyway” I sigh. “It’s just I can’t understand how you all can remain so calm in this world of fluff and glitter. It feels so… choking.”

“Why? Did I do something wrong?” he exclaims. “Sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“See! This is exactly what I’m talking about. Always wondering what you did wrong to the point you’re scared of doing anything, really. No action, no fight! Sooooo boring!”

“I wonder how you didn’t get along with Glimmer more” he answers. “She always went on rant like this against her mum.”

  
Sparkles first of her name, a sinner? Interesting. A shame I was not able to talk more to her about it at Horde Prime’s.

“That doesn’t answer the hair issue” he adds.

“I’m not sure if what I want will fit around here.”


	3. Leaving Bright Moon

It pains me to admit it but when Bow is done with me, I find myself looking kind of sharp, even though it took a while to figure it out. He was surprisingly open at the exposition of my tastes, whatever Horde-like there were, and I even ended up laughing at one point at a stupid joke he made. I had to find my style. Undercut? It was Scorpia's. Mohawk? Double Trouble already sports that. A bob? Ugh, everything but being a copy of Sparkles, though I did not tell him that. So I just settled on a regular "short spikes everywhere" with a skin fade on the nap. I guess the hedgehog style was back.

"Err... Thank you... I guess?"

  
It was a special type of awkward. I was used to a system where nothing is for free, so around their nice and benevolent manners I always feel kind of indebted, and never know how to pay it back.

"You're welcome!" he replies. "I'm glad I helped."

"What can I do for you, in exchange?"

He looks at me with his round eyes even more round.

"But, nothing. This is what we do, as friends!"

Friends? After everything... just so simple, so daring, so nice... I cannot help it and just burst to tears. I never heard someone call me a friend. Well, except Adora. I had hurt him, and apologised, and he told me he accepted it already, but I never expected someone like me would be pardoned by someone like him, of all kinds.

"I... Ah... I... Friends?"

_Oh please don't cry again_ , I hear the Shadow Weaver inside me sneer. _You're so lame right now_.

I cough and dry my cheeks quickly. Right, I should not show my heart, I should use this selflessness as an excuse not to give anything back.

But I'm not able to pull that behaviour any more, so I just stand there stupidly not knowing how to act.

"You don't seem like someone who had received a lot of kindness," he suddenly says. "I've seen it with Adora, but you... it's even worse. At least the Horde treated her in a way they saw as right, though by their standards."

He looks less innocent than when I see him fool around with Glimmer. There is a mature side inside him, of someone who understands people, and even if he acts like the sweet and innocent cinnamon roll when his friends are around, he _knows_. He has learnt. He took care of Adora when she was with them, I realise, and _he learnt_. Maybe he is a better ear than I thought he would be, although I am not in the mood for confessions right now.

This glorious scene of emotional meltdown is interrupted by a knock on the door. He opens to a hurried Scorpia.

“Hi Bow. Oh, wildcat, you’re still here – cool haircut by the way – I left you a note – Just to tell you I am leaving earlier to Spiniferia to meet with Lony for the securing of the Scorpio’s Desert. Adora will meet us there in a few days.”

“May I come?” I suddenly ask.

I am tired of waiting for time to pass around here. I know I am supposed to be busy with the centralised intelligence of the Joined Pacifying Forces (new name for the former Rebellion, now that there is nothing to rebel against and that Princess United wasprobably deemed too silly by the protagonists) since I am, and I quote Adora “the best strategist we have” but there is no such thing as big picture in the guerrilla against some pocket gangs of people who think with their muscles – when it is not their fifth limb. You go, you fight, you make prisoners, you sermon them and you come back to the village. Flowerpuff gives some plants for free, Adora does the She-Ra show and everyone is happy. I know, I have seen the feedbacks from their missions. After Horde Prime, everything is just too easy.

* * *

Before I leave, I take the time to give a good look at Bright Moon. It is indeed a beautiful place, I have to admit. All the colours I have never seen in the Fright Zone are in full pride here, displaying their shades without blushing. The fresh and slightly sweet smell in the atmosphere tickles my sensitive nose and makes me sneeze.

The peace that surrounds the castle was almost indecent in regards for what happened to the rest of the planet. It looks like nothing will ever disturb this ethereal haven. The memory of the battles that stood here remains only in the minds of the people who lived them. How far is the time when I marched on this fortress, with the Horde at my side, so sure of my potential, so eager to prove myself! How strange are the ways of outrageous fortune, for the place I had always failed to enter in full force left me in when I was weakened.


	4. Spiniferia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next are set around the same time frame as the Epilogue of No harm.   
> This epilogue revolves around Scorpia's coronation in a city in the Scorpio's desert, a little bit aside from the Fright Zone centre.   
> During this coronation, Scorpia names Catra "Prince" in charge of all the future pacified regions of what used to be the Fright Zone.  
> You can read this epilogue if you want to fill the blanks.   
> (Please note that in the epilogue of No Harm, Scorpia says to Catra "you've cut you hair again" which is close but a little bit in contradiction with what happens in Leo. Sorry for that).

The new city of Spiniferia has a familiar look that is surprisingly reassuring. It was set on the remains of a Horde outpost in the Scorpio’s desert, a region of the former kingdom of the Scorpio king. The legend says that their mythical ancestors, the giant Spinifers, had their lairs in this area; but it was not where Scorpia’s family had set their capital, for Horror Hall was centred around the Black Garnet that was more at the south-east, in a zone that was deemed too dangerous for the moment. The former headquarters and Black Garnet zone has been reclaimed, but some rogue soldiers were still lurking around, and Scorpia prefers to set her coronation in a place that was more at peace.

This makes Spinifer a curious mix: a military background of facilities on which the cultural freedom restrained by the severity of the Horde is starting to pop. Most of the place was inhabited by former Horde soldiers, to which was added a few locals from the desert around. People have even started to come around from the Crimson Waste to try and see what business could be done around here. The former soldiers started reclaiming the ways of their original cultures, villages, and the housing uniformity is often disrupted by some flag, decoration or crafting hanged at the windows. The slow mess that changes a citadel into a city is even more obvious in the developing slums that surround the hard primary facilities. The Horde flags had been dropped, reimplaced by a collection of banners representing a Scorpion with more or less art and accuracy. Their lack of coherence shows the popular aspect of this initiative: these banners are not the stamp of a conqueror but of a loved queen.

As we walk through, people frequently come through to salute Scorpia, who always reply with warmth and sympathy, whatever big or small they are. Some of them I recognise as cadets from her unit or others often working with hers. I am surprised at the sight of their growth: I left command only a few months ago, and they all seem so much older now. A few recognise me back, and give me an awkward salute that I quickly dismiss.

It is still three days from the coronation, so no other high ranked guests are present. In this city full of former Horde, I am uncertain as to where I stand. I used to give Scorpia orders, but it seems unwelcome since she is the future queen now. On the other hand, it takes all my patience to retain some comments on her decisions, and I cannot help but take her away for a few minutes after her meeting with a village chief.

“Scorps, you can’t just let her leave like that! Don’t you see how she eluded your question about the rogue soldiers? There is something fishy under this, we should investigate!”

“You think so?”

She opens wide eyes. As I expected, she is still naive to the engines of power, and if her popularity protects her right now, her wholesomeness will be quick to spread in the ears of those who want to wrong her. And I definitely cannot let them do that. I explain it to her, and her face closes a little.

“You’re right. I forgot sometimes how much more experienced you are. Sorry.”

“Don’t be” I dryly reply. “I’ve made mistakes too. And I could understand your doubts. But this one, I am very sure.”

She smiles.

“Then, what do you suggest?”

* * *

In the two days after that, I discover that it is much more rewarding to devise strategy at this with a ruler who actually trusts me. For maybe the first time of my life, I feel wholesome and useful at something. My former rise used to leave a bitter taste in my mouth and a burden on my sleep; there is nothing worse than knowing something is wrong and still do it.

There is so much to handle, and Spinifer is much more the place to do so than Bright Moon. Here I can actually meet with the troops that are sent to pacify what is still called the Fright Zone, and get a first-hand report on the situation on the field instead of summaries that are often made when they get the time, long after any decision drawn from them is still relevant. The whole political structure is to be drawn from scratch, and even though I have some experience in power, it is not so wide as I believed and there is not to much of two to think about all that.

The work with Scorpia makes me actually half forget about the princess in my heart while I am up to it. It is only when the future queen announces me with joy that her and Perfuma are soon to be back from a mission in the South that I actually remember how much I longed for her, and at the same time how I have pushed away the moment I would explain some changes to her. I did not feel ready at all, thus the reason I stayed with Scorpia instead of joining them, but now there was no means to avoid some talk.

The structures of the land around Spinifer allows me to wait and watch for her arrival from afar from a higher facility behind the main gate of the city. There I find a window large enough to see but small enough not to be seen, and use lenses to improve my sight. I can see them getting out of their vehicle that leaves to be parked a little bit outside. She seems through a joyful animated discussion with Sparkles, who must have met with her on the way because she was not supposed to be part of this mission. Unless she showed up anyway, as she often does. It’s so simple for her to do whatever pleases her majesty. I feel my stomach pinch when I see their complicity. Once, this used to be me.

I hear them arrive in the main hall where Scorpia greets them. Again the three of them strike me as being so similar, so fit together, as if there was an invisible glass window behind which I was watching them, unable to share their happiness, when suddenly I hear Adora say:

“Where’s Catra? Didn’t she come with you?”

And almost against my will I step out of the shadows and walk towards her. Then she sees me, and the puzzled look on her face is wreaking havoc in my heart.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” I reply with a broken voice.

She hugs me and it still feels good to be pressed against her chest, but a little different. It is not as warm as it used to be.

I say a cold and polite “Hi” to the queen of Sparkles, to which she barely replies. Adora comes to my side, and her hand brushes mine. I grab it, we look at each other, and she understands.

“Would you excuse us for a moment?” she says politely to the princesses, and then we just elope like that.

* * *

Once we reach what I may call “our room” – which is just some dormitory room roughly separated into smaller ones to create more privacy now that it is used by a variety of people in a more democratic culture – she holds me against her for a longer and more sincere time. I push my head in her chest, craving for her hug since what appears a century to me. When she steps back to catch up for breath, I can see a small tear trickle down her cheek, which surprises me a little. I never expected our reunion to be so emotional. She holds me again.

“I shouldn’t have left you behind like that” she says with a shaky voice. “I thought… I thought bringing you with Glimmer around it would all be… you know… and Glimmer persuaded me and…”

“Don’t worry” I cut her short, “I understand. It’s fine” I lie.

“Are you sure? You’re not mad at me? Because you look all...”

“I’m fine, I’m telling you!”

Now I have said that with a louder voice than I wanted to, and push her away as well, my arms crossed on my chest in a defensive position, and she gives me the hurt puppy eyes that makes my heart crack so easily. I am still angry, I realise, and it spoils my happiness to reunite with her, but I do not want it to. I turn my back away from her, and I hear her take a step closer to stand just next to me. I see in the corner of my eye her hand raise as she gently strokes my shaved nape, and it pangs inside.

“You’re beautiful”

“No, I’m not!” I choke. “I’m ugly, and horrible, and I’ve hurt so many people who hate me to death now, and they will never forgive me, and you probably pretend you do, and I’d better leave and disappear, and…”

“Shhhhh” she whispers as she cups my face in her hands.

  
She kisses me on the forehead, and I let myself be petted by her huge smooth hands.

“I forgave you a long time ago” she says with the quietest voice. “When you were healing from that blast by Hordak, and you were screaming for us to let you die. Yes” she adds when she feels me tighten in her embrace at the sound of this painful episode, “I was listening. I was always listening, but I was a coward. I did not want to face you. I felt guilty, so I left you in the care of the people who had become the closer thing you had to a family, and I managed myself to stay away. But doing this, all it gave me was more guilt for just abandoning you again.”

I have never heard her speak her heart like this, in such a fluid and calm way. She sounds like this had been simmering inside her for a while, and it is all pouring out now.

“When I left to defeat Horde Prime, all I felt was… relief. I had given up on a happy ending with you and it hurt like nothing else but at least it wasn’t going to last long. And there you are… doing I don’t know what to give me a second chance. And all I can feel is guilt again, and I try to run away from you again, just to avoid it… but I can’t, because my heart is open again and you are all I can think about, and how happy I feel when I hold you in my arms. So I want to believe in it…”

She pauses for a while. I can hear her hearbeat now, and it brings peace in myself like nothing did for an eternity.

“I missed you” I say, unsure if it is the right thing but the moment seems to expect a word from me. “Stupid sentimental princess” I add.

She laughs, and I laugh too. It feels good to hear her being happy. I still have something in my stomach but I just do not want to ruin it for her, not now, so I put on a face and keep on carrying.

“Do you believe we can be happy together?” she asks with this insulting and magnificent candour of hers.

“Yes” I lie. “I do.”

She closes her eyes and we kiss. It is so horrible to see the woman you love with all your heart and know that what she loves in you is a pure lie, but at this moment, I am ready to lie.


	5. After the coronation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I am a worm in love with a star" is a translation of one of Victor Hugo's verse "Je suis un ver de terre amoureux d'une étoile". It is one of my favourite verse in all of literature.  
> I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing. Please feel free to comment.

I am thunderstruck.

The deafening applause that rises from the crowd behind me makes my head dizzy. I almost do not feel Scorpia crown me with my old headpiece, now upgraded with a golden streak that enhances its crack.

All I can hear is her words.

Prince.

 _Prince Catra_.

Now, how wrong is that?

* * *

I walk to the post-coronation party as an automate in a bubble, the others chatting around me in an eerie mix of empty blabber. All I can see is Adora, surrounded by her friends; she is the jewel of this night, and I am a fool standing awkwardly at her side. I am a worm in love with a star.

I remember pouring myself drinks absent-mindedly a certain number of times. At some point, Scorpia brushes by and asks me if I am all right. She enjoins me to eat something, and I reply I am fine. I am drunk, I realise, but it does not feel good at all. I have been martially sober in the Horde, and then in a etherial sick state for most of my time at Bright Moon. Alcohol was supposed to help me but instead it tears my walls down and I am left without a shell in the presence of all these people who hate me. I try to avoid her crowd as much as I can, and speak as little as possible when circumstances make me forced to stay around.

I know I am supposed to be happy. Scorpia has forgiven me with all her blessed heart. Entrapta and her are friendly as ever with me. Bow is being nicer after what we shared. The other princesses stay polite, and the youngest one is even cordial. Even Glimmer seems to have buried things down at least for the party. They could have cast me out, and instead they recognise my worth, and give me a position out of their wholesome will for me to make the best out of it and not some evil calculus that aims for me to disprove myself. And I have Adora, even though I still cannot look at her in the eyes.

Once again, I find myself alone with my loved one, in open ground. At some point we somehow decided to have a walk in the streets, as all the citizens of Spinifer would be happy to share some of the joy. We slowly left clusters of two or three from the party at several steps of the tour, until we got rid of a once-in-a-lifetime happy Mermista and her boisterous moustached sidekick at some point in an improvised slum tavern.

The slums were bigger than I saw them, or maybe I crossed through them faster when I was sober, but eventually we reached the outskirts of the city, when the last roughly-built shelters blend with a makeshift barrier that grows further than Scorpia’s crew’s attempts to extend the official protected borders. They were a few soldiers here and there, but they saw us and said nothing as we walked in the rock desert that lay ahead of us.

Spiniferia owed its position due to a very thin river that was the centre of the desert life, but it was barely a village when the Horde has built its quarters, and it was never highly staffed or developed. The frugal way of life, the dry and hostile nature and lack of resources turned the interest away from the region, since Hordak was not a very big amateur of the historic lore of the place. The plain around the city was rather flat, but the landscape quickly rose into small hills and rocky cliffs with an occasional mop of grass hung at its walls. Apart from these and the few bushes around the river, it was all rocks and wind. Since it was more northern than the Crimson Waste, it did not have the choking hot atmosphere, but apart from that is was not much more appealing.

Adora took my hand as we quietly walked on the shadow of a track along the water, and leaned her head towards me. Tipsy as I was, all my cats reflexes did not prevent me from staggering and it made us both giggle when this move made me step aside and almost crash in a dry bush. She then looks at me with these stars in her blue eyes and I cannot resist from kissing her again. She is as stable on her feet as I am, I realise when another foolish move makes the two of us fall down in a clear patch of rocky dust and we roll in it and laugh and fight like the two children we used to be. My heart has never felt so light, and I have almost forgotten the shadow of the truth I am so eager to let out of my chest.

As we both lie down she raises herself a little above me and strikes slowly my shirt, following the line under it that runs between the remains of my chest and my metal prothesis. When she reaches the spot next to my remaining boob, I put mine over hers and stop her move, and breath deeply.

This is now. I have to say it.

“Adora, I have to tell you something...”

She looks at me but does not say anything.

“You heard Scorpia, right?”

“Right” she replies with a quick tone I interpret as annoyed.

“I am a prince, not a princess.”

“So?”

I am so surprised by this answer I let myself get emotional about it against my will.

“So I am a boy, that’s it!”

“I know, Catra. I have understood the first time, you know.”

Its my time to look at her, bewildered.

“So you’re not mad at this?”

“No. I kind of felt it since a while, but I was waiting for you to bring it out when you would feel like it.”

So I could have told her earlier? My, what a twist! And she takes it so lightly, after it has been such a heavy burden for me that it would make me furious if it did not make me so relieved.

“I was so scared!” I confess. “I was so afraid you would…”

“I would what?” she mumbles.

“I was afraid you would stop wanting me.”

She rises again, frowning.

“But why?”

“You seem so much into princesses” I stutter awkwardly. “I mean… I thought your type would more be someone like Glimmer.”

“Glimmer?” she laughs. “But you two have nothing in common!”

“Well that’s my point” I grunt. “That you would rather be into…”

“I love you” she blatantly replies before I even finish. “Prince or princess, dress or suit, hair long or short, it’s you I love. My Catra.”

This statement brings me more relief than all the joyful acceptance Scorpia has showed when I came out to her. It is crazy how one’s happiness can be so tied to the words of a single being.

“About the name...” I say after a few seconds of silence.

“What? Which name?” she replies.

“Mine. The name that ends with an A. It’s not a real issue. I mean, I heard some men whose name end with an A. It’s just… Shadow Weaver gave it to me. I can hear her say it to my ears all the time… I hate it, really.”

Another burden flies away from my chest. I have never thought about this in such a clear way, and I realise I do not have to live with this truth if I do not want it.

“What do you think as a name, then?” she asks.

“I don’t know” I reply.

“Well…”

She smiles. I can say that she is thinking. She is about to come up with something, and it may be stupid, but I want her to be the one to name me. Then suddenly, her smile freezes.

Everything goes so fast I have no time to react. A shape gets down from the small rocky hill on her side, and she falls over me. I push her away and crouch, only to see a small sleeping dart stabbed in her back.

I have no time to understand what it means that I feel a loud sting in my organic shoulder. They got me as well. I try to resist as the substance flows in my veins, and I see two huge faces with scarves across their mouths lean down to us. I try to stretch a weak arm towards Adora or to tell them to get off of her, but they gag and tie me before I do. I muffle but it is too late, the substance is slowly putting me to sleep. My last sight before I doze off is another huge shape throwing the numb body of Adora over their shoulder on their back, and their jacket decorated with a worn-out but still visible pattern of angular wings I would identify among all.


	6. Fire and gasoline

I wake up several hours later, because the sun is rising and I have sore limbs from resting on a hard floor. I try to move but it is useless: I have been strongly tied to a metallic pillar with steel chains, and my hands and feet are coated in a strong and cold shell to prevent me from tearing my ties.

The worst part is that they have managed to unplug my prothesis, so my shoulder stands bare with a small wire hanging from where my iron arm used to be. It has been a while since I have felt so weak and helpless.

These people know me, and they took their precautions. They did not gag me (I could have used my teeth to attack my ties) but they have used some metal collar around my neck to maintain me against the pillar. This final straw on my dignity and freedom pushes my rage forward. I move, I get furious and shake myself as much as I can, panicking. Where is Adora? What have they done to her? What will they do to _me_? I am making quite a rattle because someone appears quite soon and the semi-darkness around me turns into artificial light.

“The kitten’s awake” mumbles a lanky shape in a worn Horde uniform completed with a black cape and loose jeans.

“Hey, who are you?” I ask. I try to appear calm.

He ignores me and let another, much larger figure enter the room. I recognise him as one of my former instructors in the Horde. A huge man with no hair, big bulgy eyes and green skin from his frog genetic background. He was in charge of our general education in the younger grades. He was so slow and sluggish, I hated him.

“I seeee, Leen,” he says after looking at me for what seems like an eternity. “Go tell the boooooss.” He yawns. “He will want to talk to heeeeer”.

He stays in front of me as Leen runs away, probably to make a vocal call or something. While the other one is away, he slowly walks towards me and runs one of his greasy palms over my cheek. Without hesitation, I open my mouth and extent it to bite him, but he manages somehow to be quick enough to avoid my teeth.

“Yoooouuuu are a nasty one” he says. “I remeeeeember you. Yooooouuuu use to beeeeee Hordak’s second.” he adds with a smirk smile. “Such a shaaaaaame. A cuuuute little girl like yooooouuuu”.

Powerless and horrified, I see his hand get down to my chest. He comes to stroke it but before he makes contact, the door opens again and he withdraws quickly to make some room for their boss. I had some expectations for who it would be when Leen mentioned him, based on who I knew to likely end up in such a posture in former Horde officers. I had not been in charge for long, so I had never meet some of them; it was certainly the case for this one over here, because if I had seen a face like this, I would remember it.

“Hello Catra” he says with a seductive voice. “I am Wolf, head of the New Horde.”

* * *

If there was something to be said about Wolf, it is that he is definitely handsome, at least for a man. Tall and athletic, all dressed in black with a huge silver emblem of the Horde on his torso and a stunning stick in his right hand, he gave out a charismatic vibe. He had grey skin and a triangular face squared by hairy animal ears and long black hair stretched behind them. One of his ears was cut through the middle by an old injury. His furry grey tail moves around him in an imperial way.

A slight grin revealed his impressive fangs, but when his mouth was closed, his hypnotic silver eyes were the focus of his presence. He looks at me and I feel as if these can pierce through my skin.

“I started to think my scouts were too generous with the sleeping darts. From all what I’ve heard of you, I hoped you’d be… taller.”

“I’m tall enough to kick your face” I reply dryly.

“Cocky, ain’t you?” he laughs. “You shan’t be, in this posture of yours.”

He turns around me like a merchant inspecting the goods, and faces me again, his large nose so close to mine they can almost touch. I fowl and prepare to spit, but he cups my jaw with his hand, and holds my mouth shut with such a strong grip I cannot do anything to make it move. He then gently puts his other hand on my tied wrist. I shiver as he makes the understanding of how he can do me anything flow inside me.

“Don’t be so mean, kitty” he whispers. “It ain’t pretty on your face.”

I do not reply, since he still holds my head. He grins again and releases me, and I breath in as if I had no air for a long time.

“Detach her legs and put her on a leash. I want this traitor to come and see.”

Leen and the frog do as he says, and I find myself on my legs again. My valid hand his tied in my back and make me unstable, but as soon as I am off the pillar, I try to run towards him. He draws his stick and an excruciating pain radiates from it, putting me on my knees.

“Quiet, beast!” he yells.

He looks me in the eyes and I feel something I have felt only with one other person before, and whose face I have never seen: fear. In these eyes there is no limit in what is coming for Adora or me if I did not do as he asked. The Horde had a fair intuition when they hired this dude: he was the impersonating of the worst it contained.

So I keep quiet and follow him, as a plan slowly shapes itself inside my head.

* * *

He leads me in a wider room where about two or three hundred of his kind are gathered. This is it, I think: the last remains of the Horde’s blood-tainted ashes, its violence and cruelty. Only the finest, most brutal, perverse or lunatic ones are here. They cheer as Wolf walks among them in an alley made among the crowd by a few closer minions, and we climb a couple of stairs to reach the stage at the end of the room. All eyes are staring at us, when I see two New Horde thugs kick a bundle of chains from the other end of the platform on which we stand. As they move away from it, I recognise it.

Adora. She is tied in the same fashion as me, but they did not bother having her walk, they just carried her like a bundle and threw her here for the crowd to feast on it. She has been stripped to her underwear, and looks so vulnerable in all these metal claws. She looks at me, and I can see she has been crying.

I want to scream, to tell them to leave her. I would give anything to them just for her to walk free, but I have a greater scheme and this needs me to shut up for now. So I watch is silence, and grit my teeth.

Wolf smiles, and gives my leash to his second in command as he walks towards Adora.

“Quite a precious thing we got” he says. “The She-Ra herself is standing here. The strongest warrior in all of Etheria, at our mercy.”

The crowd cheers once more. I am praying that his sadism will be stopped by my submissive attitude, that he will not go as far as my terrified brain imagines. I try so hard to stop myself from clawing myself out of there and punching them all.

“You like the sight, don’t you?” he shouts to the crowd. “Me too. But I think she needs a little something to understand her defeat. We need to give her the Horde look, you see.”

I shiver. What will he do to my precious jock?

“Octavia, give me the clippers.”

Adora opens wide blue eyes in horror as he laughs maniacally, when I see the former Force Captain hand him the biggest electric clippers I have ever seen. Now, I do not want to watch this, but I still do because if I don’t, I know there is no way I will ever be able to look at her in the eyes ever again.

He puts the buzzing machine in the middle of her forehead, grabs her ponytail, and pushes the blades through her mane. The change of sound as they begin to chew on my lover’s precious hair makes me sick but I keep on watching as he mercilessly runs them over her crown, then the side, and at least the back, until the last locks get severed and she falls down from the released tension, and he holds her ponytail in his victorious hand and raises it above his head like a trophy, and rage fuels through my body like gasoline fire, and all I want to do is to say fuck the plan and let’s murder this asshole son of a bitch.

No one has the right to hurt her except me.

“What do you think of this, kitty?” he says as he looks at me, holding her head in his hand as she kneels.

And then it is my turn. All eyes are on me. I collect my thoughts as I still look at this adored bald head and I do not want this to happen for nothing. So I shut my brain as I step on the stage, self-confident as I have ever been, and say with a grin:

“I think it is excellent, Force Captain Wolf.”


	7. The world is a stage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say I like drama theatre? I like drama theatre.  
> Especially when it becomes Shakespearian. 
> 
> FEEL FREE TO COMMENT <3

The moronic Wolf looks at me astonished by my sudden change of tone.

“Hordak would be proud of you if he saw you now.” I say. “Shame he has put me in charge before he left.”

“You… you’re lying” he stutters, but I can feel he is unsure of himself; and slowly, he loses all his charisma to become a scared little prey. “You left us to join the Princesses when Horde Prime came!”

“It was an undercover mission” I reply, amazed as always at my abilities to be such a quick liar. “He asked me to make them believe they defeated him, and left. But he will be back, soon, and then…” I give a meaningful glance at the crowd, “He will grant everything they want to everyone who remained faithful to him.”

I fully turned towards the audience, and shout:

“For Horde Prime!”

There is a moment of silence. I see some gazes jumping from Wolf to me, unsure of who to trust between their new leader and the second in command of Hordak Almighty. One they knew and trusted, although he was brutal and sometimes unfair maybe; the other was chained, but had seen the light and for some of them, gave orders they probably forgot being as random as Wolf’s. The come back of a former monarch is always looked upon with joy, but this was a dangerous game I was playing.

“You’re still just a kitten” he replies to my power move. “You’re crippled. Spending time with the princesses made you soft for them.”

He looks at his minions as well. I see, now he is stealing my acting tricks.

“When our scouts found her” he announces, “she was lying with the She-Ra They were _cuddling_.”

He spites the word as if it were the most disgusting thing.

“It was a spy move” I answer. “I needed her to trust me.”

“And what were you gonna do after that?” he asks aggressively as he feels he is slowly losing.

“I don’t know” I fake admitting. “Capture her when the time would be fit. I guess you’ve just sped up my work, that’s all.” I add with an amused voice I can feel is infuriating him.

This was working. To put it in a list, like Scorpia loves doing: admitting not being perfect and having flaws to make you seem less of a threat: check. Implying that they had unknowingly worked for you to make them feel diminished: check.

“If you’re so dedicated to the Horde” he smirks, “and don’t love her at all, then why don’t you kill her now?”

So saying, he reaches for his belt and draws a laser gun, and hands it to me with a wide smile.

Now, I did not expect this. During all our speech, Adora has remained silent, but now she sees me grab the gun and she starts to panic, which is the worst for me to stay calm and think. I need to find a way to prove them I am on their side without doing it.

I unlock the laser charge and aim for Adora. I can see in her eyes the fear, the pain, and most of all, the disappointment. Oh, how I wish to tell her that I love her despite all that, and I would rip them out of the surface of Etheria if I could, but that I have to play this game just a little bit longer if I want to be the one calling the shots.

But maybe I can get rid of the worst of them at least.

Without a word, I aim at Wolf, and shoot him in the leg. He screams like a slaughtered pig and is forced to kneel while two of his men, unsure of what side to take, make some moves around him without truly helping.

“I only take orders for Horde Prime, sorry.”

* * *

I am the first one surprised by how easy it is for me to slip back in my former Horde boss shoes. Not that I wear any shoes. Still, it is almost scary how fit I am for this, and how I would almost feel pleasure at scamming all these idiots, if the life of my lover was not at stake here.

“Put the She-Ra in a cell” I say with a peremptory voice to Leen and frog dude. “I wish to keep her for my personal delights. Don’t worry: her power resides in her hair, as everyone knows it.”

They look at me with a mix of admiration. Adora has not said a thing during the whole scene. She just stares at me, silently; and it hurts.He has tortured her, I can see it now: her top underwear has scratches, and one of her shoulders bleeds. She is so meek, it makes me wonder what kind of torture this shearing scene was the climax of. I try not to think about that, otherwise I might snap.

I hate to see her be treated like that, to give orders for her to be treated like that, but for know I need to keep credibility, and this is a tight game we are playing.

I kick the heap of moaning and blood that lies when Wolf was standing. He moans a little louder. Now, this part is sincere.

“Put this shit away from my sight” I fowl. “Heal him, let him die, I don’t care, just lock him away, I don’t want to hear about him.”

Now that I have cleared my stage from the other protagonists, it is time for the second phase of my plan. I do make things as I go along, it is true; but I do it brilliantly.

“I need people who know tech to built a transmitter strong enough to call Horde Prime” I yell, and when I see no one is stepping forward, I add with a cunning smile “His Lordship will be very thankful”.

Three people get out of the crowd and shyly come to me. One of them is a middle-aged woman, with thin almond eyes and raven hair tied in a severe bun. She carries a bag from which I see scraps of metal poking out, and wears baggy trousers with pockets that I would bet that they are full of tools. If she had purple hair, I would not deny her kin with Entrapta. Her name, as I learn then, is Copper.

The two others are the unexpected Leen the slanky, who claims to know his fair share in computing, and a bird-featured creature whose kind I have never seen and speaks a language made of shrieks that a small elfish girly creature oddly similar to the Flutterina thing that follows them translate to me. The bird used to be one of the tech supervisors of the Western Horde detachment, and has a great knowledge in communication technology. I do not manage to remember their names so I end up calling them Chick and Wings, because one does not change simply changes personality so easily.

* * *

After a good moment spent with my improvised tech crew, I understand that carrying out my idea will not be as easy as I thought it would be. The New Horde, mostly made of brutes and bullies, never cared much about whatever they stole from their raids that was not food, booze or weaponry. Therefore, as brilliant as my two scientists are (Leen proved himself being useless and just there for the boot-licking, but I keep him around because you always need someone to do the dirty work), they had to built a transmitter from scratch, and it would take hours, maybe even a few days. Moreover, it was very important for my plan that no one would leave the building, so I could not send anyone to fetch a component.

“Ah, where is Entrapta when I need her?” I groan while leaving them to work, not before giving them an ultimate half-threatening half-flattering speech.

My favourite science girl would have carried out the plan so much faster; she would make a portal from a toaster from what I know. Thinking about her makes me realise how much I miss her. How bland is the thrill of being evil one more time compared to the warm sensation her memory brings me. And I am not even speaking about how _Adora_ makes me feel.

This brought me to another issue that needed urgent fixing.

“Where did you take my prothesis?” I shout to one of the former Wolf minions, now my personal guard. “Bring it to me. I need it.”

A few moments later, I am given my beloved left arm, and I ask for a little privacy to plug it back.

Only then I allow myself to breathe and release the mask.

* * *

I fight the urge to go and check on Adora immediately (that would seem suspicious) and instead I use the time I have to take a good look at this New Horde thing. They are not as many as we believed when we scouted their territories, and much less organised. Their strengh is in guerrilla methods and their quantity of gear, but it is reducing since the industry making them has been taken back. Only a few are fanatics, and these will be the hardest to submit; most of the others are desperate souls that keep on fighting because they are convinced there is no way out. It shows in the way they allow me everywhere, not giving a second thought about how I used to be a traitor to their eyes, just because I am there, apparently ready to lead them towards victory, and most of all, I spoke about their god: Horde Prime. When the troops arrived from space, they had hope, but then he disappeared, and they were left alone against people they used to slaughter. A good piece of Wolf’s propaganda played on this fear of vengeance, and it explained why all of our attempts towards a peaceful surrender gave so little results: their boss was making them believe any promise by Bright Moon was a lie.

He is smart, I have to admit; but so am I. I can understand where he comes from: if I were him, I would have done the same to defend my position. But now, I am on Adora’s side, and if there was something this New Horde was about to learn, it is that once I pick a team, I would tear the world into pieces rather than letting them down. This fight used to be political; but now that he has hurt Adora, it becomes personal.

* * *

“So, how’s it hanging, puppy?” I sneer as I get into his cell.

For someone who had so much power a couple of hours ago, he is pretty miserable behind these bars. One of his minions, a little lizard-like, sticks around and helps healing him, but that is all the love he has. He has even less friends than I do, which is quite an achievement, I think bitterly.

“What do you want, Catra?” he spits.

His movement makes the little lizard miss while sewing the injury on his leg, and sting him deep in the flesh far from the bloody mush that used to be his calf. He yells from the pain, and slaps the poor creature who squeaks while flying to the other end of the cell. It comes back quickly, and he moans while the devoted servant gathers the tools again and restart.

“That’s quite a loyal one you have here” I notice. “Too bad it’s the only one.”

“You enjoy seeing me miserable” he groans. “Well done for your little _coup_. And what a kingdom you get from this! A lot of misfits and lunatics, blood-thirsty but unable to count, all huddled in a bunker and cutting each other’s throats. The last of their kind, all gathered here!”

He dramatically claps, and laughs.

“But you will see. Power is a wheel, and you will get down.” he mutters between his teeth.

“Thanks for the advice” I sharply reply (now who is he among all creatures to teach me about the game of thrones we are at?). “But I don’t need your wisdom.”

“Then why are you here?” he retorts. “I guess it’s not for my pretty face, you dyke.”

“No, it’s not.” I deliberately choose to ignore the slur, because I have decided my time is too precious for that. “But it’s fine; you’ve already given me what I needed to know.”

His face drops.

“What? What information? How… you…”

I get closer to him, as he draws his face to mine. Our noses can almost touch, and I strike his with my claw, just to make him mad.

“I wanted to know if this was all of New Horde, well, you’ve just told me. It is a miserable kingdom indeed…”

I step away, and turn down the light, ready to lock the room where the cell was set. I want him to know how much he got owned. I want him to panic, to be eaten by his fear while he waits for his enemy to come and take him, to imagine with his twisted mind all the torture they would put him under. It is my revenge, for I know that the United Forces will never give him the kind of punishment I desire in my heart. Thus, I cannot resist to deliver the last line.

“… And I am going to take it down.”


	8. An unexpected twist

“ _I look out for you, and you look out for me. This way, no harm will come to any of us.”_

“ _You promise?”_

I clench my fist. I used to be angry at her for not fulfilling this promise, but now, I was the one who had failed her. Had I been stronger, cleverer, better, I could have stepped out and take them down with brute force like she used to do, instead of having to resort to a risky and complicated scheme.

“Get out” I order the two guards in front of Adora’s cell.

  
They obey, and leave us alone. No one bothered to tie her up now. The Adora I know would have got up, tried to fight. I would have heard her screaming at the guards three corridors before getting to her. Instead, she barely looks at me, curled up in a ball in a corner of the room. I kneel down, and crawl towards her, but she moves further to escape my hand.

“Adora, please…” I whisper.

She finally raise her head and sits, puzzled. I pick the opportunity to take her hand, my face only a few centimetres from hers. Suddenly, she slaps me in the face, and I am forced to move a little away.

“Get out.” she sobs. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Please, listen…”

“I should have known!” she replies without listening to me. “Your apologies, your promises… all this so we would trust you, so you could betray us, so you could hurt me again!”

“Adora…”

“Well, I give up” she adds. “Do whatever you want with me, if it prevents you from hurting someone else.”

“Adora, stop!” I yell. “I know how this looks, but I swear, I did not lie to you! I lied to them! Do you hear me? To _them_!”

She stops weeping and hiccups from the surprise, like a baby you prank to make it stop crying.

“There is no Horde Prime coming back, you know it! I have set an engineer team, and these fools are making a radio transmitter that will call for our United Forces! They will know where we are, and come rescue us and put all these Horde trash in prison, and everything will be over! I promise!”

“You promise?”

I hug her for all answer, and feel her warm and wet face through my shirt. Oh, Adora, how good it feels to hold you again! Even if it was only a few hours ago, to me it feels like an eternity.

“Please believe me” I whisper. “I am getting us out of here.”

I slowly lift my hand up her back to her head, and shyly stroke her buzzed skull. If feels oddly soft, like a small animal’s fur. I bend down and kiss it. She gets a little away from me and stand on her knees to face me. Determination has come back on her face, and with this haircut, she looks more ferocious than she ever did.

“I want to fight him,” she announces.

“I’m sorry but I can’t let you get out. It will blow up my cover!”

“We’re two strong warriors!” she exclaims.

“They are too many of them! We can’t take them, Adora! We must wait for help to come, it is the safest bet.”

“And since when do you care about safe?” she replies.

“Since always!” I retort. “Now keep your voice down, or someone will hear us and it will blow my cover!”

“Don’t worry about this,” snorts a male voice in the background. “It’s already done.”

I turn around, and see Wolf behind me, standing on his feet. I frown. How did he heal so fast? But before I need to ask, the tall canine warrior becomes a silhouette of smoke and then morphs into a tall lizard with a blond mohawk.

* * *

“Double Trouble? What are you doing here?”

They twirl one of their locks with their fingers before taking the time to answer.

“I have been following you around since the first encounters of the United Forces with former Horde soldiers. Glimmer paid me to ensures you were not tempted by a reunion with your former pals. Now, first, when I saw your little act in front of this Wolf guy, I was very surprised, and I wondered at what you were heading. But now that I’ve seen this so very touching scene, I am sure about only one thing: I have no idea which one is your true face, but either way, you are hell of an actress.”

“Actor” corrects Adora. The speed with which she did that warms up my heart. I take the opportunity to kiss her quick.

“Oh, please” Double Trouble smirks at the sight. “There’s no time for this bullshit.”

“What do you mean?” asks Adora.

“I mean” says the spy with their slow and careless tone that manages to piss me and arouse me at the same time, “That I was not kidding when I said you’re cover is blown. Some of your soldiers remained loyal to Wolf, and went over to free him a few minutes ago. Seems that your come back at leadership was not as smooth as you hoped… Don’t worry, I have called the two Queens as soon as we arrived here. This place is a dump, and it would have taken forever for your engineers to built an all-waves transmitter strong enough to pierce the security in communications of Spiniferia or Bright Moon. I did not want to wait. So I guess that leaves you a chance… but don’t count on me with the fight. Now, if I may leave…”

And before we have any time to react, they bow down and run away to wherever they came from, leaving us flabbergasted by their little speech. Adora takes a few moments more than me to process what has been said.

“Did you hear that? Glimmer and Scorpia are coming!” she says with enthusiasm.

“Yeah, if they make it before all the New Horde falls on our faces!” I groan.

I wish I could block the entrance of the cell, but there is nothing that can seriously block it, the furniture being of a pair of open shackles hanging on the wall (they did not saw useful to put them back on the prisoner, sad for them), a rough mattress on the floor, a bowl, a cup, and a spoon. So long for fighting. I could close the door with the key given to me by the guard, but they for sure have a spare on their side, and I can already hear some ramble through the door that tells me they are coming.

“Are you in condition to fight?” I ask Adora.

  
She nods. I feel happy to see her so ready, even though I am not completely rid of my worries. The only arm we have is the laser gun that I kept since I shot Wolf with it. I hand it to Adora.

“What do you want me to do with this?” she asks.

“My prothesis contains enough weapons for me, but you need one.”

“But I never used one of these things! I don’t want it!”

“Fine then!” I yell. “But don’t come crying if I end up knocking more enemies than you did!”

She laughs. That heavenly laugh. Who would have known that it required a near death situation for things to come back the way they used to be? Or maybe I should have seen it coming.

We position ourselves, back to back. She lifts her bare fists, I have the gun in my right hand and my iron claws bare on the left. We hear a knock on the door, followed by a growl, and some orders barked on the other sides. After a few minutes of undistinguished mumbles, there is the click of a key and the door flags open.

“Here you are, traitors” says the real Wolf, as I can see from his banded leg and his walking canes.

“Kill them.”


	9. Guilty prayer

The first few enemies were easy to beat, but I must say that after a while it became tiring and I see us getting closer to the edge of making a mistake. An arm, a leg, a face. I punch them, protect my vital parts. Another fist. I move it away like a fly. Claws, teeth, kicks and eyes. I jump and walk in the air, my body becomes part of the melee. Fighting is good. It’s like dancing, except there is a winner.

The reduced room forces them to attacks only a few at a time, because none of them is selfless enough to try something that would put them at risk of getting harmed by a comrade. But they still have the numbers, and though the first wave of minions brought by Wolf is taken down quite easily, we have no time to gather ourselves that there is another group coming to reinforce the remains of the first. In all this mess I do not pay much attention to how I knock my opponents down. After all, this is war.

I am so focused on fighting the multitude that it takes me a moment to notice that Adora is breaking down. She falls. She get up. Another time. She takes longer to be back and almost get harmed. I push my own luck a little bit further to insert a hand to her in my rhyme.

“I… I won’t be able to hold more… I’m sorry…” she says weakly.

“No! Come on!” I scream.

Oh, where is Sparkles when we need her? I could use a little royal magic against that Horde trash. And with Adora failing, there is no one to cover my back.

Suddenly, I feel something warm behind me, and I am surrounded by a gentle pale light. I turn around, and to my astonishment, I have a vision from another world, or as I will learn after, the true vision of all that makes Etheria.

At first sight, it looks like She-Ra is back, except it is not the one I have met when I used to fight Adora. This one is not a giant girl with a sword; its just raw power possessing her, radiating from every pore of her skin, pure essence of magic unleashed and focused in one being only. It is no armour she wears, it is aura; its not hair or eyes she has, it is light; it is not a sword, but a blade of absolute energy ready to strike.

And then I remember Madam Razz words. _“She-Ra is not a sword,”,_ but I have no time to think about that.

An explosion, a wave of light. She screams at the top of her lungs. Pure will. The atmosphere turns white. I am the only one who sees it: every other being around falls on their knees or their back. I am in the eye of the cyclone so I will be the last.

It becomes louder, and brighter. I put my hands on my ears, shut my eyes, and fall down myself. I cannot breathe any more.

This is getting out of control, I realise, although I do not know how exactly I realise that. Her pain and rage have set something on fire and it will consume the whole room, maybe the whole planet. She has tried. Oh, my, she has tried to be the hero, to act like the good guy, to lend the other cheek, but it was not her, not my Adora. And after all she went through, destiny was putting her under more and more trials. She was having none of that any more. The scene was the last straw and she was going to burn it to the ground. She needed someone to stop her, and it would be me, for once.

“Adora, stop!” I scream. “You are killing them!”

She turns around. The light in her eyes is terrifying but I will not flake.

“ _Ironic for you to say that.”_ answers an inhumane voice.

“No, Adora! Don’t do the same mistakes I did, please.” I plead. “You’ll regret it.”

“ _They deserve it. They have been assaulting innocents for decades. We gave them their chance several times. And yet they steal, they kill, they torture, they rape…”_

On this word, a slight sob betrays the presence of Adora behind the almighty goddess that I am trying to persuade not to commit a genocide.

“I’m begging you!” I say one last time. “This is not who you are!”

“ _This is who I am. I protect Etheria, and it will be so much better with these monsters out.”_

But I can feel she is hesitating. The more time she waits, the more I can make her think about it. So I make one last, desperate attempt.

“Listen to me, Adora. They will be judged. They will be punished. We will put them on trial. You don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to be the only one to deliver justice and carry the burden of delivering it. Don’t do this to yourself. Please.”

I clench my fist. I guess this is my way of praying. There is an absolute instant when I can feel the two of us on each side of the string.

And then, the noise stop. The light comes down, and I open one, then both eyes, and the world is back to its insane normal. The room is full of the bodies of the people who attacked, but they are not dead, just passed out. Some of them are already waking up, and look at us as the only ones standing with shrill terror that awkwardly makes me want to laugh my heart out.

And in the middle of this, Adora, turned back to her old self, and I just have the time to catch her in my arms before she collapses, for good this time. She is quite heavy, but it is not enough to put me down. I have decided anyway that from now, they will need a chainsaw to get me away from her.

She bats an eye.

“Wha… what happened?”

She looks a little drunk. I do not know if it is the relief, but this also makes me want to laugh.

“You did magic princess and saved the day as you always do” I reply.

“Are they dead?” She points at the bodies around us.

“No, just asleep” I say softly. “You saved us.”

“Ok”.

She passes out herself. I kneel down, breathe, and swear that after all this, we are definitely going to take some time out.

* * *

I do not know how long I remain there, on my knees, with her unconscious body lying in my arms, for what happened next is a little blurred as well. At some point, I see the Princess United forces arrive. Some orders are given, people in Bright Moon and Spiniferia uniforms enter the room. Shackles are drawn, vehicles are provided; at some point we are outside, escorted by Bow and two Bright Moon guards. At some point I catch sight of Double Trouble, but their expression is, as always, unreadable. From the crowd of soldiers emerges a busy Glimmer. Our eyes meet. She gets closer, and says something on the lines of how Scorpia will handle it from now. She gets hold of us, and we are suddenly back in the room we share at Spiniferia.

I hear some worried voices, some people surround us to check how we are and suddenly, it is too much. I groan that I am fine, and extract myself from all that, leaving Adora in the good care of King Mycah and his sister Castaspella.

In the corridor I meet Glimmer again. She avoids my gaze and I avoid hers. She is eating something like a ball of bread of a peach-like colour. It smells sweet. It has been forever since my last meal, I realise. She must have read my thoughts, because she awkwardly hands me a piece of it.

“Want some?” she says.

I do not say anything, grab it and swallow it without chewing. Silently, she splits the bread in two and gives me the biggest piece. I eat it quickly, not looking at her, and we come back to the former glass silence between us.

She is first to break the ice.

“What… what happened back there?” she asks with a concerned voice.

I do not know if I am able to tell it now, but I do not say that. Instead, I decide it is time to bring up something that has been lingering in my heart and that should have got out a long time ago.

“I am sorry, Glimmer.”

She leans a little towards me. She understands what I am speaking about, and I could stop there, but it is not enough, I need to say it, this is the person I want to be now.

“I am sorry I opened the portal that lead your mother to die.”

My heart skips a beat. This is the moment of truth. For it might seem odd, but I put more importance in her forgiveness than any other. When they love you, people easily find you excuses. She was not.

She silently nods. Tears are rolling over her cheeks. I do not hope we will ever be friends, but at least something is settled. I turn around and prepare to leave, to let her pay a visit to Adora, when she puts her hand on my shoulder.

“Wait.”

Surprised by the touch, I spin around all tensed. She raises her hand in a calming way.

“I am sorry you suffered from Shadow Weaver. And I am sorry I left you to crash when you rescued us from Horde Prime.”

It is my turn to nod. We both know how unable we are to actually say “I forgive you”. This is the best we can do, and it is fine. For we may never be friends, but at least now I know she is someone I can trust.


	10. Chapter 10: Judgment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. No epilogue.  
> Feel free to comment.

For a few days Adora mostly sleeps, while I spend my time between snoring at her side and pacing in the streets of Spiniferia. She has no serious injury, but pushing all this energy at once must have drained her.   
The members of the New Horde captured that day were of 347 in total, including the ones loitering around the bunker who were captured while the Forces when carefully approaching. It was the biggest arrest of this type, and almost the last. Some solitary wolves were spotted from time to time after that, but it gradually admitted that this last fight has put an official end to the presence of any Horde in Etheria. Most of them are imprisoned at Centralia, the former headquarters of the Fright Zone and closest capital to their former base. Leaders are identified, set apart. Its a long and boring procedure. Several of them protest that it is unfair they are judged when former members of the Horde, including myself, where pardoned although they did so much worse during the previous wars. For a moment I fear it will open fresh wounds among this fragile region but eventually the steam falls down.

* * *

“So, what did he do to you?”

I hold her hand while she seats on the bed. _Our_ bed, because since we came back it is impossible for none of us to sleep alone any more. It is only a few days after… after everything. Her hair is already growing back; after a few weeks it would become a short dark blond fur. But right now she is still raw from the fight, we all are; she is having nightmares, and wake up every night sweating and panting, and she needs me to hold her so she can fall asleep, but I can only hold her hand. If I move and touch her, she jumps and then apologises.

“Why are you so scared?”

She refuses to answer. I would be damned if she has said ten words since we came back. I feel like I traded Adora for an empty shell.

“Talk to me!”

I try so hard not to be angry, to respect her boundaries, but I am so done with all this. I need to move on with these memories myself, to find peace.

I remember her words. When she said why she wanted to kill. I know what they mean, but part of me hoped she would be strong enough to say it, because I want her to be strong and happy. I cannot accept something would break her like this, and yet, this is it. I stroke the back of her hand, my black claws really pop over her light skin.

“Did he rape you?”

I am blunt, I know, but it needs to get out before it rots to deeply.

She nods. Her hands are shaking. She cannot even look at me, as her confirmation once again fills me with a rage as thick as boiling tar. This was the only thing I needed to snap.

I get up, open the drawer and grab the laser gun I got from him.

“I’M GONNA KILL HIM!”

When I remember this scene, it feels like I am seeing it from outside my body. I become an animal. Before she can even move or say anything, I storm out of the room and run to the cell that was given to this son of a bitch. I hear someone yell behind me, and I ignore them so loudly. Doors do not matter, walls would not matter if I could bring them down with a kick; I am ready to destroy the whole city to push my teeth in his neck and drink.

He is there. So calm, so comfy. Of course it is Spinifer and not Bright Moon, and he is not given the spare room. But still, he is isolated, with a mattress and food. I notice the shackles around his neck, his hands, and his feet. If I had a calmer wrath and were more imaginative, what refined tortures I would roast him with! But my guts want blood, and they want it now.

“YOU!”

He turns around. I lift the gun. I am shaking, but the last remnants of my brain focus on this dog face. I aim and I pull out the security. Then he does the last thing I needed to make me even more angry: he smiles.

“What do you want, kitty?”

“YOU MONSTER! I’LL KILL YOU!”

But despite everything now that I am in front of him and did not do it immediately, guilt comes creeping inside my head, and restores chunk by chunk my humanity. And this motherfucker sees it.

“Go on,” he says. “Do it Horde style. Merciless and quick. I have been waiting for it.”

This is the last straw. If death is what he deserves, then I am not here to hand it to him on a plate. I am not a princess, I am not delicate and have no principles. He wants the Horde’s justice? Because right now, I am the last remain of it.

The rest is extremely quick. My hand. His pants. I pull down. Something hangs there, it looks vulnerable and fleshy.

I shoot the laser. The scream, by the First Ones, is something to remember.

It smells funny.

“I hope you’ll be able to pee” I say, and then I close the door, and leave.

* * *

This could be the end of the story, again, but there is one last thing that misses. We have just left Spiniferia, and are heading for Centralis to get the command from there. Lony is driving. Scorpia has insisted to come; she is on the passenger seat and is chatting happily. It is a transport truck, so the front row with the driver is separate from the others and Adora and I have a little privacy. I have my head on her knees and she is scratching my ears.

“We never finished our conversation in the desert” she says playfully. “Now that I think about it.”

“What conversation?”

“About your name.”

She sets free one of my locks that she had rolled around her finger, and then proceeds to ruffle my hair with her hands. When she says the word “name”, I stop purring but try to keep a straight face.

“My name, yeah. What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking about Leo.”

Leo. It is a bit short but I like it.

Leo. Leo.

“But how can you be sure it’s a good name?”

“I have no idea!” she exclaims with an enthusiastic beam. “You know what? Let’s try it.”

“How?” I reply.

“Well… you have to say it...”

Her teasing voice puts me at a loss.

“Say what?”

“You know! The thing!”

Ah, yeah, the thing.

“Hey, Adora.” I say casually.

“Hey Leo.”

She smiles. We kiss.

It is working.


End file.
